While Bliss paid our bills recently during a trip to a typically unfriendly neighborhood KEDI market — many bills get paid at 24-hour shops here in Shanghai — I perused the condom display rack, always good for a laugh. Always, indeed. Flavored condoms. Ice Cream. Green Tea. And, my personal favorite, Ordinary.
I find the concept of flavored condoms humorous to begin with, but I’ve also never had to taste a condom. So I guess they serve their purpose. A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, right? (Or, in this case, it actually prevents it from going down.) Ice cream? OK, I guess I can undertand this one. But there are many flavors of ice cream out there. Let’s hope it’s not Mississippi Mud Pie or Moose Tracks or Brownie Batter or anything that ends in “nut crunch.” Something like Karamel Sutra seems appropriate. But, hell, it’s probably Green Tea Ice Cream.
Which brings us to our next condom flavor … Green Tea. You know that awful bitter aftertaste that green tea leaves in your mouth sometimes? I can’t imagine spunk tastes much worse than that. But this is China, so we have condoms flavored to taste like Green Tea. Now, the Sex Herald tells us that “the right cup of tea will turn us on.” But I would imagine that if a Green Tea Condom is already inserted in your mouth, getting turned on is not really the issue. Finally, we have the Ordinary flavored condom, which I think is the wild card here. Ordinary what? An ordinary condom? Latex flavor? If so, does that really count as a flavored condom? Or perhaps Ordinary means what we all really hope it means. Maybe the Ordinary Condom is flavored to taste like a penis.
- To see a bigger version of the photo, click on it or click here.
- The photo quality is not great because I only got to take one shot. After the first one, I got yelled at … a lot. They don’t like it when people take photos in 24-hour stores, I have learned. Perhaps they arrange their condoms in a top secret manner. Click here for a photo of the shopkeeper’s hand.
- These are Wonder Life brand condoms. Their English slogan is “For Happy Hours By Two.”